Thursday, August 4th
On Thursday morning after a few hours of lessons, we had each of our groups
think up a name for themselves and design a banner. The banners and team
names would be used to represent the kids in the next two days as they
squared off in a series of competitive Olympic events!
My team called themselves English Mania!
Khara's team was Crazy Phoenix.
David's kids were The United Fighters.
And Dan's team, I kid you not, decided by themselves with no input from
Dan, that they wanted to be called "Team Do It." Hahahaha. AWESOME!
After the kids all finished their posters, we four teachers took our groups
of kids outside to practice some of the events they'd be playing tomorrow
against other teams in the Olympics. In the first game we practiced,
we'd write a bunch of English words on a white board...
...then each team would line up in two lines and the two people at the
front of the lines would be given a flyswatter. As soon as the two people
at teh front of the line were ready, we'd yell out one of the words
that was written on the board...
...and the first person to run up to the board, find the word that had
just been yelled and smack it with their flyswatter, would win their team
a point. Best. Game. Ever.
Then we went up to the auditorium and practiced playing telephone. The
kids would sit in a line and we'd whisper a phrase in English to the first
kid in line. The phrase would be whisered all the way down the line and
then the person at the end of the line would hear the message and then
run up to the board and write out the phrase. The first team to write
the correct English phrase on the board, would be awarded a point. Here's
Team Smelly squaring up against Team Stinky.
Telephone's a difficult game to play in your native language! So for these
kids, who only had a very basic grasp of English, each round took FOREVER.
It was still pretty fun, though.
Lunchtime!
After lunch we went to the driving range (driving range!) and practiced
hitting plastic golf balls with shitty plastic golf clubs.
Half the time
you'd swing and the clubhead would go flying off and travel like 10 times
further than anyone had ever hit a ball. Hahah.
Then we did some hulahooping relay type jammy. And then we headed to the
roller rink for some...
...ROLLERBLADING! OMG, kill me now. What's worse than rollerblading?
Oh, I know - the wristguards and kneepads that we were required to
wear.
(Joke: What's the hardest part about learning to rollerblade? Answer: Telling
your dad you're gay. HAHAHAHAHAH.)
This is the frantic rollerblade-relay race in full effect.
Afterwards, we got to go swimming.
Yay, swimming!
Later that evening, after the Korean teachers had taken the kids away for the
night, we decided to hit the bowling alley! The rec center required us to all
wear bowling shoes, but a men's size 8 was the largest size they had! I managed
to cram my eleven point-fives into a pair by scrunching up my toes real good...
...but 6' 4" tall Paul sure as hell couldn't feet his big-ass feet
into a pair. So he wore them like slippers.
Hahahahaha.
Carl.
Dan.
Scoreboard! I have no idea who's who here because the score board instructions
were written in Korean and we couldn't figure out how to enter our names. Hahaha.
No making fun of our low scores! It's hard to bowl with scrunched up toes and/or
bowling slippers!
When we left the alley, we heard music! We followed the sound and it led us to
the Traci, Shawn and a bunch of other people in the karaoke room!
You can totally tell that these guys are singing a Stone's tunes because Paul's
so doing the Mick Jagger chicken-strut in this photo.
Jumping Jack Flash, indeed! It was clear from the get-go that Paul likes karaoke
as much as me.
Here's me doing a little dance.
I think I sang Sweet Child O' Mine.
 The best part? The name
of the songbook! And hey, at Korean karaoke, eveyone gets a lil' tambourine!
Friday, August 5th
On Friday morning, Mike Doyle came into our classroom waving an Olympic flag
and humming that "Olympic's Theme" song and totally whipped our kids into a competitive
frenzy reminding them that later today they'd compete against other teams in
the events that they'd been practicing for.
Here are my kids finishing up their "Team: English Mania" t-shirts. After the
shirts were finished, it was time to head up to the auditorium
Here's Team: Do It! marching proudly with their team banner.
Here's Jay with two of our kids and their English Mania poster.
In korea, it's polite to take off your shoes before entering a room. Check out
what the outside of the auditorium looked like everytime the place was full of
kids.
Ewwww, grody! Marissa thought it would be funny to take a picture of her swimming
in a sea of sneakers. Too bad her back ended up smelling like stinky kids' feet
all day long! Blarg!
The kids were gathering in the auditorium for the morning's
first event, something called "Beautiful Store." Each of the kids had been instructed
to bring some sort of small gift to camp with them. We'd spend a few hours each
day teaching our children English phrases related to buying and selling and "Beautiful
Store" was supposed to put what they'd learned to the test.
Each of the kids would stand at a table with the gift they'd brought and try
to convince any of the teachers walking by to buy their gift. In the end, all
the money would be donated to charity and us teachers would get to keep the gift
we bought!
Team Pandas!
This was Andy's second time teaching in Korea and this time around he made sure
he taught his kids some hard-hitting negotiation phrases to make sure they'd
manage to wring out the most money by haggling over prices. Hahahaha. Check
out the list he taught he kids from!
Nothing's funnier than having a ten year-old Korean kid tell you, in broken
English, that he can't accept
2600 Won (about $2 USD) for his teddy bear because "My wife she is the sick.
I am to need the money so get lost, Jose." Hahahaha.
I ended up using my money to purchase an awesome tin of balm called "Body So
Fine."
Body So Fine is A Velvet Body Balm. It's (apparently) body seduction in a flirtatiously
scented balm. The silky velvet finish is slightly naughty and totally irresistible.
Slip some on with Bathina's puff for luminscent luxury. This is all you will
want to wear!!!
After we'd finished up the "Beautiful Store," Mike D. kicked off the Olympic
opening ceremonies and ran all around the auditorium with an American flag...
...then the head Korean counselor (I forget his name!) came running
out with a Korean flag and the kids all went apeshit as Mike and the other dude
ran all around the stage in circles with their flags.
It was EPIC!
Our hard work practicing the previous day totally paid off. Team English
Mania's first event was doing the game where you run up to the board and
hit words with the flyswatter and we totally routed the other team.
Boo-yah!
Check out the scoreboard! English Mania and United Fighters totally dominating
the other two teams! Ungh!
 By the time us
teachers got our lunch brea, I was exhausted. I scarfed my lunch down really
quick and then went back to my room to try to sneak a quick 30-minute nap
before having to meet back up with my kids. But instead of sleeping, I
totally ended up getting hypnotized by some crazy Korean (cooking?) show
where they'd show all these close-up pictures of food and then show people
making all of these crazy orgasmic faces next to the food. It made no sense,
but it was INCREDIBLE!
See? First they'd show some sort of barbequed chicken or whatever, and then immediately
afterwards, they'd cut to...
...pictures of this guy totally jizzing his drawers while he's imagining what
it must take like. It was total insanity. I ended up foregoing my nap just so
I could keep watching. Hahaha.
First event after lunch? The watermelon eating contest!
Rather than seeing what team could eat the most melon, this was about what
team could generate the most seeds! Hahaha. Each team member had to eat
a slice of watermelon with their hands behind their backs and spit seeds
into a paper cup. After the time was up, we'd collect all the seeds and
count them by team. Most seeds wins!
Ready?
Eat!
The next event we were scheduled to compete in was the moonpie eating contest!
But when we arrived at the location, we were told that they'd run out of moonpies
and that we should figure out a way to keep our kids entertained for
a few minutes while they ran out to get more moonpies. So I suggested that the
Korean teachers should all arm wrestle each other, which the kids loved! (I hoped
that by the time the Korean teachers had all finished arm wrestling each other
that they'd be back with the moonpies).
No such luck. The Korean teachers had all finished arm wrestling each other
and the moonpies still hand't shown up yet! This meant that I'd have to
square off against my co-teacher and roommate Dan who was a whole lot bigger
than me. I
gave it my all, and put up a decent fight for at least a few seconds...
...but in the end Dan won (and nearly threw me out of my
chair in the process).
Then the moonpies showed up and it was time for some good, old fashioned
competitive eating! Woooo! The game was simple: See how many of the eight
moonpies you could eat in the allotted two minutes with nothing but two
glasses of milk to aide you.
Hahahaha. Look at him go!
This guy totally owned round one.
The next match up was almost more of a "cute off" than it was an eating
contest. I mean, come on, look at how goddamned cute this little kid is.
He's like the shy, more cute, Korean Harry Potter. Awww. But don't go awarding
him the title of cutest before seeing his opponent...
...this little nugget. Awwww. Look at the teeny tiny little nibble he made
in his cake! Hahaha.
This little cutie (from Team Happy Animals, no less!) ending up winning
his round of the eating content.
I think he managed to finish TWO WHOLE cakes in the allotted two minutes.
The next round was totally the most hardcore. See that guy on the left?
He fucking SCHOOLED everyone there.
Check out that technique! Fuck chewing! It's all about cramming!
I wasn't the only one in total awe. Check out the expression on the kid
in the middle. The entire time, he was watching the dude on the left eat
and was like "Hoooo-leeeee Jeeeeez!"
Check out the damage! At the end of two minutes, the kid on the left had
managed to eat SEVEN of his eight moonpies while the little tyke on the
right had only managed to eat one and a half in the same amount of time!
The moonpie eating contest was our last event, and as I took my kids back
up towards the top of the mountain, we saw a bunch of the Korean camp counselors
setting up for the big BONE FIRE that was going to be happening once it
got dark.
For dinner, we had a big-ass outdoor Korean barbeque!
Then, later that night, all the kids gathered in the clearning at the bottom
of the mountain to hear the results of the Olympics.
They also handed out all sorts of awards to the campers for things like
"worked the hardest" and "improved their English the most." It was cute.
Then they had all of the English counselors come up and compete in a bunch
of games for the amusement of the kids. Here's me totally getting my ass
kicked in the game called the "See how quickly you can inflate this near-impossible
to inflate balloon and try to not die of an anuerism in the process" game.
The kids loved it.
Then after all the games and awards were over, it was time for the kids
to get "the big speech." This is something that Mike Doyle had told me
about, and based on his account of the previous year's "big speech," I
couldn't wait to see it go down.
Basically, some Korean
entertainer who'd been hired to be the emcee for the evening, grabbed the
mic and launched into a twenty minute-long speech in Korean that was all
about saying things like:
"You are
the luckiest kids in all of Korea! Your parents worked long hours and saved
up all their money so that you could attend English camp and learn English
and be successful! Think about how much they sacrificed for you! Don't
you love your parents? Can you imagine all they've gone through so that
you can be here?
And your English teachers! They flew here ALL
THE WAY from America just to teach YOU English! They gave up THEIR SUMMERS!
Just so you could learn. And now, after all they've taught you, after all
they've sacrificed just so you be better, you will NEVER
SEE THEM AGAIN!" And on and on and on...basically trying to whip the kids
up into a tearful frenzy of guilt-ridden gratitude.
Mike kept telling me how the "big speech" that last year's emcee had delivered
had the entire camp in tears for a solid hour! I had been waiting all
week for the full-on guilt assault to get the waterworks going, but the
emcee, who was not the same guy they'd had the previous year, failed to
get the kids crying!
Towards the end of the new guy's speech, Mike, who was disgusted, leaned
over to me and said "Look at all those dry eyes! This guy's a hack." Hahahaha.
After "The Big Speech," it was time for THE BONE FIRE! Yes! Boy,
when it comes to camp fires, the Koreans do not fuck around. Just in case
a neatly-stacked pile of chopped logs almost six feet high wasn't combustible,
they used an ENTIRE GALLON of gasoline as primer.
After the entire gallon of gasoline had been poured on, they handed Paul
some sort of crazy "lighting baton"...
...and he spent the next full five minutes parading
it around in a circle grabbing hold of kids and getting them pumped up
to light the fire.
Ready?
Light it up!
The fire flamed up quickly...
...but I remember thinking, "Hmmmm...they used an entire gallon of gas,
that thing should really be burning a lot more intensely."
The bone fire must've heard me, because just a few seconds later, the intensity
kicked up something fierce.
Holy shit!
You literally had to stay like 20 feet away or risk spontaneous combustion.
We spend the next two hours playing all sorts of campfire games with
the kids.
And just when the kids were beginning to think that it couldn't get any
better, we took them all up to the auditorium for the REAL grand finale
of the night...
...a motherfucking LASER LIGHT SHOW!
Check out those hi-def LASER graphics! At first I thought there was an
actual MAN running across the wall but it was actually made of LASERS!
But you'd have to be like an expert to tell!
Saturday, August 6th
Saturday was the last day of the first session of camp. I helped the kids
write thank you letters to their parents in English.
Jay and one of our students.
In the afternoon, we took our four teams up to the auditorium, gave them
their graduation certificates and sent them to the buses to head home to
their parents.
Here's Jeff, Mike and Michael...after the kids had departed, we went to
check out...
...the ATV rentals, but by the time we got down there. They were just about
to close up for the day. Boo!
Misty, Elaine and Wade bumming about no ATVs.
Our plans to explore the surrounding mountains on ATVs dashed, we retreated
to the air-conditioned auditorium where Wade & Mel tried to teach us how
to play some crazy-complicated card-based role playing game they'd brought
along with them.
I couldn't really follow the game, so I busied myself demolishing this
entire bag of Korean treats. (They were AWESOME! They were like little
Rice Krispies balls with peanuts in them).
Then I went to the little computer center they had set up and did some
emailing.
Later that night there was another big Korean barbeque party and all of
the American teachers got to sit down with the Korean teachers and hang
out (up until now, all the Korean teachers had always been occupied babysitting
the kids so we never really got a chance to hang out with them). I had
been eating vegetarian for a few months and for the first several days
in Korea, I had managed to not eat meat. Unfortunately, I had managed this
by eating nothing but rice and cabbage for four solid days. When I showed
up this meal and realized there was nothing vegetarian to eat again save
for rice, cabbage and some lettuce, I decided to rejoin the carnivores
for the duration of the trip. Here's me about to take the plunge. (PS -
It's been 18 months since this trip ended and I haven't eaten meat since!).
It was sort of a bummer, but at the same time, if you ever have to rescind
your newfound vegetarianism, I guess Korea which is pretty much like the
BBQ capital of the world, is the place to do it.
After dinner a whole bunch of us played night frisbee with the battery-powered
light up frisbee I'd brought along. The frisbee got thrown into the woods
and when I went in to retrieve it, I found this little guy!
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