Tuesday, August
23rd
On
Tuesday morning, a few of us decided to take a bus north to see Panmunjom,
the 4 kilometer wide Demilitarized
Zone (DMZ) that separates South Korea from
North Korea (it's named for the small village that ceased to exist when
they drew the line that divided the country in two in 1953).
Panmunjom is famous because it holds the Joint Security Area (JSA). The
only point where North Korea and South Korea connect. Tensions between
the two (very macho) countries still run high and so they still have crazy
scenarious like this: guards from each of the countries toeing the line
that divides their respective countries and eye-fucking each other for
an 8-hour shift. (whaaaaaaat?)
Paul posing with some (slightly more chilled out) South Korean guards.
There's a really neat elevated observation platform where you can look
across the 4 km wide DMZ and into North Korea. (The mountains that you
see in the background are in North Korea). There were telescopes that you
could use to see better...
...but they had a yellow line painted on the ground about 30 ft back from
the telescopes and you weren't allowed to take any photos past it. (And
considering there were like 25 guys with automatic weapons standing around
up there, I didn't deem it wise to try to sneak any pics).
Back in the late 90s, there was an effort to reconcile the two countries
and they started building a bridge called the Freedom Bridge that would
reconnect the two countries and allow for trade and some visitation (as
well as the return of thousands of Korean War POWs).
But at tensions between the countries escalated again, the bridge was shut
down.
Here's the plaque at foot of the South Korean side of the bridge.
You can only walk about 1/3 of the way across it before running into a
formidible barrier that demarks the beginning of the DMZ.
The whole barriers is covered with flags and streamers all expressing hopes
that the two countries will eventually reunite.
After the Freedom Bridge, a bunch of us went far underground to take a
tour of the Third
Tunnel of Aggression.
Since the DMZ that divides the two countries is a 4km wide, mine-field
that's heavily guarded, it would be pretty much impossible for an invading
army to cross without getting slaughtered. So the North Koreans decided
to dig a series of tunnels UNDERNEATH THE DMZ and into South Korea. Eventually,
the South Koreans discovered these tunnels and blocked them up - but they
were horrified to discover that most of them had been dug through the solid
rock well into South Korean territory and were wide enough for the North
Koreans to move heavy artillery equiptment and entire divisions of troops,
effectively allowing them to sneak UNDER the entire DMZ!
Here's me and Mark, donning our required hardhats, about to head over twenty
stories underground (240 feet!) to check out the Third Tunnel firsthand.
(No photos were allowed. Boo).
Then, back in Seoul later that afternoon, I tried Lotteria! Although it
was started in Japan, it's the most popular fast food restaurant in South
Korea. One Bulgogi Burger, coming right up!
Hahahah. White people are so retarded.
Later that night, the Korean teachers organized all of us attending a Korean
major league baseball game. So we took the subway out to Seoul's Olympic
Arena (built to host the 1988 Olympic Summer Games) to see...
...the Doosan Bears!
Uhhhh...let's make a right.
Katie explains "second base" to Grant.
At first we thought our seats were on the 3rd baseline...
 ...but we ended
up on the 1st baseline. Sweet!
Andy worked a little language magic with the concession dude and we ended
up with some frosty beers and a few...
...boxes of soju! (They're just like juice boxes, except with alcohol in
them!)
At the beginning of each inning, a squad of cheerleaders would climb up
onto this platform in the middle of the stadium and try to pump the crowd
up.
The main cheerleader dude was sorta doing a half-ass job, and I drunkenly
remarked out loud that I could do a way better job at firing the crowd
up. David Katz was within ear-shot of my shit-talking and bet me
40,000 Won (about $40 USD) that I didn't have the balls to go up on the
platform and try to lead the stadium in a cheer.
(Obviously, this was a guy who didn't know that I once French-kissed
a senior citizen in order to win a bet).
So towards the end of the inning, I left my seat and went to go sit up
near the cheerleader's platform so that when they vacated it after their
next cheer, I could jump up there lickety-split, lead the crowd in a quick
cheer and win the bet before security could step in and shut me down.
While
I was waiting up there, this totally hammered, old drunk guy sauntered
over to me and started to ask me questions (but since I don't speak a lick
of Korean, I'm not even sure what he was asking!). Once he figured out
I didn't understand him, we started communicating in gestures, and I managed
to impart my sneak-attack dancing plan to him. He started laughing, and
in turn, managed to communicate that if I went up there and did a cheer
and a dance, he'd JOIN ME! Hahahaha. Here we are drunkenly celebrating
our ability to hatch a diabolical plan without any words in common!
A few minutes later, the cheerleaders left the platform, and it was GO
TIME!
Luckily, I'd had enough foresight to leave a camera with Andy to capture
my moves. I jumped up on the platform and started shaking my ass for the
crowd.
Then I turned around and started one of those baseball cheers: "LET'S GO
DOOSAN! CLAP. CLAP. CLAP-CLAP-CLAP..." And to my surprise, the crowd immediately
started to go along with it. I looked down and the four nearby security
guards were watching me and laughing! I was in the clear! Not only
had I won $40, I was also not going to be spending the night in
a Korean prison! Woooo! Now if only the toothless Korean man would join
me up here. I guess maybe I'd misunderstood him. Maybe he didn't mean that
we was going to join me, maybe he meant...Oh! What's this....
...YAY! It's drunk Korean man joining me on stage to cooperatively lead
the crowd in a cheer! Hahaha.
VICTORY! (He's also a little teapot, short and stout).
Hahaha. Here's a totally stunned and demoralized David Katz paying up
40,000 smackeroonies.
After the game was over, we all hopped back on the subway and headed to
a...
...KARAOKE BAR! Woooooooo!
Forget about rocking the mic with the
pantyhose - Koreans go one step
further and rock that shit with a totally hygenic-minded little microphone
showercap! Sah-sah-sanitary, yo.
It was so nice to finally be reunited with a large group of people who
were stoked out of their faces to sing karaoke.
Hahaha.
Jay and Rachel.
I've forgotten your name! Sorry!
Andy.
There's something about Jay you should probably know...
...he is indeed, a motherfucking pee-eye-em-pee.
Every rose has its thorn?
Hahah.
After karaoke, the group voted to go dancing! I was sort of against the
idea of going to another club...
..until I saw that said club had a giant black-light mural of the motherfucking
Thriller album cover airbrushed on
the wall of the lobby. Fuck it, count me in! As
we went to go into the club, the bouncers stopped us and then the Korean
teachers translated for us that we weren't going to be allowed to go in
because we were all wearing flip-flops and shoes were required. Luckily...
..they had shoes available to RENT (just like at a bowling alley!) and
after the three of us managed to cram our giant round-eye feet into mens'
size 9s (the largest size they had), we entered...
...a smoke-filled laser WONDERLAND of dance!
Wednesday, August 24th
The next morning I pretended to win the Korean lottery....
...then Bob, Andy and I grabbed some lunch and then headed over to...
...the Korean War Museum!
Korea considers itself "the most-invaded country in the history of the world"
and the museum chronicles Korea's 5,000+ year military history!
The first exhibits started back in the stone age and then worked their
way up to the age of bronze weapons.
Then we moved into the sea-faring years. Check out this reconstruction
of an armored Korean war ship, called a geobukseon ("turtle
ship"), that was used in naval invasions back in the 1400s!
It was armed with 10 mini-cannons and all the cannon smoke was routed
so that it was vented to come out of the dragon's mouth at the front
of the boat!
The Chinese had started to use gunpowder in warfare in the early 1300s,
but it was a Korean inventor, a guy named Choe Mu-seon, who used gunpowder
to create the singijeon, the first multiple-rocket launch system! It
was basically a wooded box filled with 100, rocket-powered arrows.
All of the individual rocket engines were networked together with one
fuse that could be lit, thereby launching all 100 arrows. As soon as
they'd launched, the empty box would be removed and replaced with a
fresh one. Pretty bad-ass, huh?
And check this shit out! Besides using regular old cannon balls, the
Korean Goryo army also used cannons to shoot giant iron-tipped arrows
called daejons that could fly two to three times further than cannon
balls.
As museum moved into the era of modern warfare, they had an entire
room dedicated to English-language propaganda written by the Chinese
and the North Koreans to convince American forces to surrender.
Check out the close up!
They also had an entire room dedicated to American and South Korean created propaganda
that was used to try to convince the Chinese and North Korean troops to surrender.
Here's a close up. I don't read Chinese, but the picture shows Stalin,
pushing Mao, pushing a Chinese soldier into the fire - so I'm guessing
it's saying something like "You don't want to be Stalin's pawn, do
you?"
Beyond having the most encyclopedic catalog and collection of more
types of armaments than I ever knew existed, the museum also had...
...the most hardcore collection of life-sized war diaromas I've ever
seen!
There were like 10 rooms dedicated to life-sized figures re-enacting
all sorts of famous, bloody, hand-to-hand battles. It was insane.
They also had rooms dedicated to showing different kinds of hideouts
and booby-traps that had been used by various Asian armies over the
centuries. Here's Bob and Andy hiding out in a recreation of the Vietnamese
jungle.
A cross-section diarama showing how the Vietname secured their underground
bunkers by using secret underwater entrances.
Another cross-section diarama
showing how the Vietnamese constructed bamboo-spear pitfall booby traps.
After spending nearly four hours in the museum, we were exhausted (and
totally warred-out) so we decided to call it a day (despite having
only covered about 1/2 of the exhibits!). We walked out the back exit
of the museum and were shocked to discover...
...there was an entire outdoor section as well that had rockets, cannons,
tanks, boats, submarines and missles as far as the eye could see!
Russian Tanks!
Partially-submersible attack boats!
Bob and Andy mount up on two anti-aircraft flak-cannons.
Crazy.
I can't even imagine trying to shoot down an airplane with something
like this.
After the museum, we headed back to the hostel for a nap and a quick
change of clothes (off of my impeccibly organized floor)...
...then we went to meet up with Mike and a few of the the Korean teachers
for dinner at some kind of spicy, Korean stir fry restaurant.
Mike showing off his bib!
Me and Jason.
I don't remember exactly what was in it...noodles, some kind of spicy,
marinated meat, spices...
...here's what it looked like after it was finished cooking.
After dinner and a few drinks, we decided to call it an early night
because Mike, Andy and I had to get up super early the next morning
to catch our flight to Tokyo! On the way back to the hostel, I stopped
in a store and decided to pick up a Korean souvenir for my family.
I decided on this tasty dish. Any guesses as to what it is? Well, if
you guessed...
...that it was a can of delicious silkwork larvae encased in cocoons
, you are correct! Mmmmmmm! Next stop, Japan!
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