| the december roundup | december 2005 |
Here's the December round up: all the pics from December that don't merit their own individual entry. This entry should really just be called "Ugly Face Month" because right around this time all of the "party photo sites" were becomming popular and it seems like everytime I tried to take a photo of anything, someone would strike a goddamned "glamour pose." So instead, I started telling everyone I took photos of to make their "ugliest face possible," which turned out to be way more funny than making sexy faces. Friday, December 2nd  On Friday night, Meredith and I went to the midnight showing of the amazing 80s movie Teen Witch  at the Sunshine Landmark Theatre. As a
total bonus, they had the director (who wrote all the songs in the movie)
and Robyn Lively (the girl that played the starring role in the movie!)
show up and introduce the movie and do a Q&A with the audience!  Then, the director offered a prize to anyone that could come down and rap "Top That!" (one of the hip hop's most epic cinematic moments where a teen-witch uses her powers of enchantment to bestow upon her frumpy, Jew-froed friend the power to RHYME SICK!) in its entirety. Andrew Borin was in the audience and he immediately ran down the stairs and nailed it, solo on the mic. If you've never seen Teen Witch, you owe it to yourself to go to YouTube and watch "Top That" RIGHT NOW! ("Look how funky he is!" Hahahah). Make sure you also check out the hot, locker room jam, "I Like Boys." Teen Witch
was one of my favorite movies when I was growing
up and now that I've seen it as adult, I've gotta honestly say I'm pretty
surprised that I turned out straight.  After Teen Witch, Meredith and I went over to Orchard Bar to dance and say hi to Sarah and Karen and I immediately started challenging people to make the "ugliest face possible." Here's Sarah's. Hahahahah. AMAZING!  Here's Karen's.  Karen's wasn't all that ugly so I had Sarah take a picture of me giving her some help. Hahahah.  Here's Meredith's. She definitely didn't need any help! Hahaha.  Then I started showing off some of the advanced techniques I used to subtely sabotage "glamour shots" (because you can't always make a totally ridiculous, over-the-top face). Here's me demonstrating how, with a little practice, you can learn to cross just one eye a tiny bit and make it look like you have a floater-eye!  Here's Sarah's. And the pupil (no pun intended!) surpasses the teacher.  Jessica was there and she got in on it!  Hahahaha. Yes!  Jenny Penny started out a little weak...  ..but with a little bit of encouragement...  ...she managed a pretty outstanding ugly face by the end of our "shoot." Hahah.  This guy was a friend of Sarah and Karen's and here's the two of them helping him out with his face! Haha.  FISH-HOOK!  After everyone had given it their best, I busted out my showstopper. Just when I thought I was the undisputed champ...  ...Andrew Borin shows up to the party and pulls out this masterpiece. First he ends up rocking the entire Landmark Theater with the "Top That" rap and then he wins the ugly face contest? Christ, what can't this kid do? (This was almost as big of an upset as when Josh Teixeira won the "Matt Weiner Ugly Face Contest of 2002").  Then at the end of the night Sarah paid up for losing the $40 bet we'd made about whether or not she'd ever make out with a certain guy (she said she wouldn't, I had bet that she eventually would). Saturday, December 3rd  On Saturday morning, Mer and I got our Thai food brunch on and had a Lost DVD marathon.  Check out the size of the iced coffee I got! Jeez!  Saturday night I ran into Amber and when I asked her "What's the ugliest face you can make?", this was her answer! Monday, December 5th  On Monday night, a whole bunch of us went to that Karaoke place on Bowery to wish...  ...Lawrence a happy karaoke birthday!  Here's the birthday boy singing Interpol.  Christine and Meredith.  Sarah and me.  Brother Lawrence and Sister Sarah doing a sibling's rendition of The Killer's Mr. Brightside.  Lauren doing her amazing version of No Doubt's I'm Just a Girl. Damn, girl can sing!  Ellen and Gurj!  Meredith singing I'm a Believer by The Monkees.  Gurj, Josh and Ellen.  Mandy adds to the Ugliest Face collection!  Happy Karaoke Birthday, Lawrence! (I love this picture of you, BTW!) Wednesday, December 7th  On Wednesday night I hung out with Leigh and she showed off some neat new dress she'd modified by turning the neck-strap into some cool, Motley Crue-looking satanic star. While this is a decidely non-ugly photo, Leigh will make up for that later. Thursday, December 8th  On Thurday night I went out with Amanda, Grant and Fatty (aka - Fiasco) to celebrate...  ...David Kreitman's brother visiting town! Check out that resemblance!  Of course, everyone there was happy to show off their ugliest face. Here's Grant's.  The Fatty's.  Amanda's! Which inspired Grant to...  ...re-do his.  One of Meredith's friends was there visiting and when I asked her to make her ugliest face, she put her entire hand in her mouth. (Which marked the only time someone's "ugly face" gave me a chubby. Hahahah).  The ugly face game quickly gave way to the "shake your head back and forth as fast as you can and take a picture of it with the flash on" game. Here's Fatty's rubberface.  Grant! Hahah. Bonus points for managing to maintain eye-contact with the camera!  Amanda's shake-face.  Meredith's.  Yours truly!  David's shake-face doesn't look all that much different from David's normal face.  David's brother did pretty good, though.  Grant and Fatty pulled off a pretty sweet combo-shake.  Late night I got a text from Leigh and we went and met her for pizza. Here she is showing off the bottle of vodva she'd just stolen from some corporate-sponsored party. Hahaha. Little Elfin Theif!  Sean showed off his shake-face.  Leigh's shake face also looks very much like her normal face ("You're not shaking HARD ENOUGH!") Sunday, December 11th  On Sunday afternoon I was relaxing in my living room, reading a book, when all hell broke loose outside! Here's the view from my window - apparently the people who lived in the cute garden house forgot to unplug a space heater or something and their apartment caught on fire. The doors were all heavily bolted and the windows were barred and the firemen weren't able to get inside...  ...in time to prevent the fire from spreading. Shit got pretty intense before they managed to put it out.  Later Sunday night, me, Meredith, John, Ellen and Leigh all shared a cab to go Smith's night. In order to sneak all five of us into the same cab, Leigh had to lay down on everybody's lap and hide from the driver. Here's the sneaky "Look! Four people in the backseat!" photo I took from the front seat. Hahah.  John, Lauren and I are long-lost siblings.  Ellen looks like the grinch when she makes her ugly face! Hahah.  I was trying to explain to Leigh and Meredith that making your chin disappear into your neck is a pretty surefire way to produce and ugly face.  No, more like THIS! Hahaha. Wednesday, December 14th  On Wednesday, Meredith and I went with Ellen and John to...  Elite's Holiday Party! Because Ellen briefly flirted with...  ...being an Elite model! Look! It's her model card! This is probably only really funny if you've ever met Ellen (because, for better or worse, everyone has some negative stereotypes about what it means to be "a model" and Ellen lives up to none of them).  Ooooh, la la, it's "ELLEN!"  Check out Ellen looking all modely talking shop about fashiony stuff!  At first I was like, "This party BLOWS." Then I was like...  "Free Tab? FUCK YEAH!"  Ellen, Mer and one of Ellen's friends from the agency.  Meredith making her model face. Friday, December 16th  On Friday, my work had it's monthly "Friday" party. Here's Russ ooglin' the spread.  Shirley and Julie! Tuesday, December 20th  On Tuesday night I went to go see Nightmare of You (at the Knitting Factory?). If you're a fan - their new EP just came out last week and it's FUCKING AWESOME!!! Buy it now on iTunes or you can order the CD on smartpunk.com!  Gurj, Brandon and Sarah. Thursday, December 22nd  On Thursday night I stopped by East Village Radio to say hi to Scott, Leigh and the rest of the MisShapes who were doing their weekly radio show. I saw a very special lady pass by on the street and they ended up having her on the air as a special guest! Ladies and gentleman...  ...Asian Porno Lady! (If you live in the East Village, you definitely know this woman! She goes into bars late at night with a pullcart filled with packs of smokes and pirated-pornography on DVD! When she comes into a bar she announces "Smokes! Smokes! Cigarettes! Porno! Asiiiiiiiiiian Porno!" (More on her later on in this entry!) Friday, December 23rd  On Friday I hung out down in the basement of Orchard Bar with Gurj the coatcheck girl (who puffed on her lil' corncob pipe!).  I'm not sure what I said, did and/or showed to Karen to get this kind of reaction...  ...but whatever it was, it was certainly shocking (albeit, unmemorable!). Tuesday, December 27th  So it's right after Christmas, and I'd just gotten back in town and after getting settled in, I decided to head out late at night and say hi to some friends. I got to the Darkroom around 3am and right after I'd arrived, look who shows up? Asian Porno Lady! I called her over and asked her to show me some of her "racier" titles. As I was going through the stack of various pirated titles, I came across this one, entitled "The Horse Fucker", and knew she'd just found a new customer. Cha-ching!  I never realized how much Lauren and Posh Tony look like they could be brother and sister.  Michael and SmellsGood BonJersey show off my latest purchase. They took it in stride...  ...whereas Sarah pretty much freaked the fuck out when I silently handed her the DVD and got my camera ready to capture (her amazing!) reaction.  Karen was like "What are you freaking out about.... *GASP!*" Wednesday, December 28th  On Wednesday night, Grant and Ellen came over to play...  ...Dance Dance Revolution for Xbox (which Grant, Fatty and Amanda had chipped into get me for Xmas).  Niki and Piper (who was possessed by Satan) watched from the sidelines.  Fucking amazing gift. Thursday, December 29th  On Thursday, Sarah had another lil' party to showcase her burgeoning culinary skills. If I recall correctly, this was fetticine in a walnut-cream sauce. Outstanding!  Then, after dinner, Brandon and I sat on the couch for some serious BRO-MANCE. |
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